Bullying...Society's Frankenstein Monster

Hopefully I'm not one of those people who jumps on the bandwagon of a current trend when bullying is not a trend.  Bullying is chronic.  Bullying has always existed and should not be the "current rage" of horrified people who "didn't realize how bad the problem was."  Bullying is mostly in the shadows.  It's secret.  It is fear.  It doesn't grab the headlines until the result is worthy of sensationalism.  This is the sadness of our society.  We can all spout off our two cents worth, we can scream from the soap box but the truth is none of us have the answer to end bullying.  There isn't an answer other than intervention and education.

I don't believe I'm making a grand confession by saying that in high school there were several times when a bigger boy, an angrier boy, a bitter boy attempted to bully me but I was able to stand up to them without much harm coming to me.  And I would be a liar if I said I did not witness bullying and did not do anything to help.  In those years my response was what is likely the typical response, at least it isn't me being picked on.

Over the years I did a lot of soul searching, wondering what it was about me that made me a target, what makes anyone a target of bullying.  Was it because I was smaller than a lot of the boys?  Was it because I was smarter than most of them?  Was it that I struggled through puberty?  Was it sexuality they were afraid of? During this soul searching I came to understand what the answer was.  I realized that there was something in me, about me that they saw in themselves.  Something that they were afraid of.  I was a mirror to them, reflecting that awful thing they had been taught by either society, family or other friends to hate, to be afraid of.  And in their confusion they could not understand how I could be unafraid of that something.  How could I be so comfortable with myself, so accepting of myself? What better way to prove you were not that reflection in the mirror than to break it?  Through violence they would show me that I should not be comfortable with myself, I should be afraid of the same thing they were. They would teach me a lesson.

With this understanding I realized it is the bully who is afraid and their only instinct is to lash out. Therefore the key to stopping the act of bullying is work with all kids and adults in understanding themselves and that in our uniqueness and our similarities all should be accepted.

It cannot be denied that a source of bullying in school can be an extension of bullying from home.  Many times a child that bullies other children is likely being bullied by his or her own parents.  There is no difference except that the parent sees that certain something in their child that frightens them, could make their child an outcast or a victim of bullying.  At its core is a sense of shame, the feeling of failure and the bitterness of what society might think or say.  Yet they somehow do not recognize that the act of bullying itself is shameful and damaging.

One can argue that society itself is the creator of bullying, a closet Frankenstein monster. Through culture, politics and religion a creature was put together and brought to life that's sole design was to humiliate and diminish an individual and by society's actions, or lack of actions, tolerance of bullying evolved.  Society will likely not be able to stop this monster but society can continue to shine the light on the act of bullying and we can continue to talk and communicate as well as reach out to those who are likely to become the victims of bullying.  I believe efforts should be made to seek out those who would become bullies.  Reaching out to these children before they do act with violence or humiliating behavior may be the key to ending the cycle of bullying.

No one should be silenced or broken.  Always be willing to listen, to help and to intervene when necessary.  We may not be able to end the viciousness of bullying but we should make every effort to try.